Courage

How do we define courage? A hero has a lot of courage, perhaps a leader has courage too. But today I realized that courage can be much more simple than that. Courage can sometimes simply be saying what you believe in regardless of what people will think.

Time - Mr Hudson

Someday, are we gonna wake up
A little bit older?
Are we out of time?
I know that, should we ever break up
We’ll find a way to make up
In the fullness of time

Tell me where d’you wanna be
When all your friends have settled down
In the suburbs on the greener side of town?

Time is all I fear
It’s why I just keep running
The quest for love was all that you and I held dear
With the beat still in your head
And the good book by your bed

And as your old man said
“Good friends, well you can count them on one hand”
And they’ll never judge you
Whatever your crime

I know that, I can include you
And you’ll forgive me
In the fullness of time

Time is all I fear
It’s why I just keep running
The quest for love was all that you and I held dear
With the beat still in your head
And the good book by your bed
We will survive, you and I

Balance

I haven't blogged for a long time so I though maybe it was time I write a little something. School, I feel has definitely become more demanding since my last post. Especially since the independent study I'm doing has fully started rolling (although I feel completely and utterly lost, I'm determined to be an expert on egocentric dissorientation and the parietal cortex contributions to spatial memory..AH! :|..)

But lately I was thinking about balance. I, like Freud, believe that balance is healthy (although I disagree with him on a vast array of other others things). But I find it's very hard to balance everything, to live a balanced life including: school, work, friends, families, etc.

But I do believe it's manageable...as long as everything gets done and there's not too much of one over the other.

In addition, in more specificity, even balancing different friendships can be difficult. I ran into these two girls from my old highschool on campus this week. They just started university this year and were both telling me how glad they were that it seemed that their highschool friendships are as strong as ever.

In all honesty, as I listened to what they said, the main thing that came to my mind is how naive I thought they were.I know I might sound harsh and I'm not saying that what they are saying was stupid. It's just that with time, I can predict that they will drift apart, I'm pretty sure not all of them, but a few of the people they consider good friends, will eventually become mere acquaintances.

As I told these girls, it takes an effort on both parties. If all of you make the effort to stay in touch and make time for each other, I can definitely see you all stay really good friends.

(This I didn't tell them) But if you try and make the effort all the time and the other party doesn't, very soon you'll realize maybe you lack things to talk about now...and that you've become almost strangers to each other. Unfortunately I guess, it happens. Schedule's clash, people are busy, there is nothing you much you can do...I'm also very aware, that some highschool friends stay really close. I just wanted to also raise a possibility that happens quite often as well.

Anyway...back to (my great attempt at) balancing life!

Reputation: An Immortal part of self?

Since school started I unfortunately haven't gone much reading done. However yesterday I had the chance to read a few pages of my textbook for my Personality class. As I was still on the first chapter for my upcoming exam, I was reading on how Psychologists (both clinicians and researchers) have different ways of learning about how people are. In other words, there are different ways by which they can learn about one's personality.

One way or one possible way of getting data (as called in the book) is getting informed by someone who knows the individual well. The author went on to explain how this route had both its advantages and disadvantages as did the rest of the methods to assess personality. However what I found interesting was how he quoted Cassio from Shakespeare's Othello in explaining a reputation.

Reputation, reputation, reputation! O, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial. My reputation, Iago, my reputation. (Othello, Act 2, Scene 3).

Funder, the author, explained how he believed that an individual's reputation may be that person's most important possession. The opinions that others have of your personality he continues to explain, greatly affect both your opportunities and expectancies. Additionally, there is some evidence that to a certain degree people become what is expected of them.

In retrospect, I do believe that in my pre-teen years and my early high school years I did bare importance to what people thought of me. And for a long time I used to think that I was actually still the same now. I do know however, that somewhat agree with Cassio from Othello. When I am dead, what is left immortal of me is what people remember me as, but unlike some of my family members my actions will never be govern by "what people might say".

Although perhaps I do believe that a "reputation" is important, I don't think I really care what people think of me. BUT I have started to realize that there is one exception. It bothers me to death when people have a conceived idea of me that is completely false. In instances like these, I am found completely bothered because it's completely erroneous. If for example I had been a complete bitch and back stabbed someone or something (I couldn't think of a better dramatic story), I would be fine with people talking about it (without exaggeration), as it is the truth. In comparison, if a person believes I am certain way but I have never acted that way at all in the past, then that would not sit too well with me. I don't know, maybe I am completely mistaken and what I am saying just generally shows that I do care about what people think of me...

But in the end, I suppose it doesn't matter. The people who know you for who you really are, are the one's that matter anyway. They are the people who will be privileged enough to know you and the people who will perhaps hold the immortal part of you that they will carry with them as long as they live (well...as long as there is notmemory impairment involved).

I know for fact that I am privileged to know many of the people I am acquainted with. To our stupid moments, our happy ones, sad ones and fun ones...and the list goes on.



..On a side note, I started watching "How I met your mom". I'm really like the show!

And yes this is how I feel like every day of my life. ...Haha jks

No I've really gotten used to it now haha...

This video his from How I met your mother. I own nothing.

Unlikely Friendship

I saw this a while ago, but since I went to the zoo not so long ago it made me think about it. It's a really interesting video depicting the very unlikely friendship between an elephant and a dog.

Post Secret

I used to go on the Post Secret blog once in while during the school year to procrastinate. I had completely forgotten about the site until tonight, so I decided to quickly take a look at people's deep dark secrets. Some secrets are

shocking, sad, funny and much more...

Everytime I cheat on you, I make sure the guy looks like you.Same eye color, same hair color, around the same height. Not because I find those particular characteristics attractive..Just so that in case I DO get pregnant one of these times you won’t question if its yours or not.I’m sorry I do this.

My mom killed my dad long before he killed himself

Life is good. Everyone just overreacts.



...but perhaps most of them are sometimes redundant in the way they are presented. But tonight I found one which might be what I think is the best one I've seen. Here it is:

So simple in presentation, yet such a strong message. Is this post secret true? Can we never go back?...

Emotions

Feelings are much like waves,
we can't stop them from coming
but we can choose which one to surf.

-Jonatan Mårtensson

I do?

Attention: This is my opinion, I know many may not agree with me.

I went to the mall with my mom today to finish up the wedding shopping. That is everything that needed to be purchased in relation to my cousin's upcoming wedding was finalized today.

One of the most important stops was Hallmark to buy a wedding card. As I was helping my mom pick one, I opened many and read the little touching messages inside. In quick retrospect, yes they were most if not all very nice and cute...many would bring an "aww" that only I could hear in my head.

However, what bothered me a little about all those messages was how many seem to paint marriage as the beginning of a life together between two people...The beginning of a lifetime together..or of shared lives. Now I know that that is what marriage entails and I find that it's beautiful that it does.

But I find there are issues when people seem to think that you have to get married. In other words that "the beginning of lifetime together "does not happen otherwise. Because that is not true. Many couples share a life together and are fully committed to one another without marriage. Additionally many couples do not share a life together and are not committed to each other, yet they are married.

It bothers me when people think that a man finally really loves a woman once he's popped the question. Admittedly, I myself often fall into the trap of thinking that way, although I will try not too in the future.

I am NOT saying that people should not get married and I am NOT saying that I am not happy when people get married. I am actually, it's nice to see people celebrate their love. But what I'm trying to say is that people should stop thinking that only when people are married are they sharing their lives and have reached the acme of commitment and love for one another. A legal couple, that is a legal partnership is relatively the same as a married couple, in terms of legal matters. I believe the main differences is no splitting of goods when there is a divorce if there is no prenuptial and there is no change of surname for the woman if she decides to change her name(I stand to be corrected, as I am not an expect on marital matters).

Marriage should be a celebration of the love a couple have for one another, not the labeling of love (if that makes sense). Couples should get married if they desire to, but for the couples that don't it does not mean in any way that are really different from the married ones.

Things Fall Into Place

Today my Research Methods class my professor was telling us how he came to be a researcher in vision and a professor at York University. He explained how he had never for a second thought about haveing anything to do in vision while he was still an undergraduate student. During his last year as an undergraduate student, a professor asked him if he wanted to his undergraduate thesis with him. Seeing as my professor attended the small campus of his University it was not uncommon for professor to seek out students. My professor agreed and that's when he first started to work in research of vision.

After before completing his undergraduate degree, he realized that he did not want to start working yet so he decided to apply to graduate school. Since he had prior experience in vision he decided to continue in that stream. Soon he received an acceptance at York University and Queen's University. Assuming that he would enjoy his stay in Toronto over Kingston, he chose to attend to York University. Turns out now that the Centre for Vision Research at York is one of biggest in country.

He decided to tell us this story while advising us that if we end up doing research we should make sure we like or even love what we are working on. Most importantly he explained to us how even if we don't know what we love now, it doesn't really matter. As long as we choose something we have a relative interest in. He fell in love with vision over the years and can't see himself studying anything else.

As he said: "Things fall into place."

Even his "5 minutes of fame" when this paper he wrote about lost vision due to the difference of center of gravity of our eyes and our lens (I think? :S) that was written about in the Scientific American came from him looking through empty beer bottles on a random day.

Do things always fall into place?...

Being Young

Today as I left class with one of my closest friend, we were discussing how when we spend time together we tend to say what we consider to be very stupid things. We went on to discuss how it can be said that we are immature or childish. However as our conservation went on, it came to both our minds that we should enjoy our youth.

We are young only once and we should enjoy every moment of it while it lasts. Even I, when I look back sometimes I feel like during high school I should have gone out with friends a lot more than I did. I had far more time during that part of my life compared to now.

I have put thought into this a little while ago, but today reminded me to try and make the best I can of my youth. Enjoy and live freely this part of my life before the responsibilities of working adulthood dawns upon me.

Anyway I should really try and get some work done. I have been slacking phenomenally this past week...

Second Year

I have been meaning to write this post since Tuesday, but for some reason I have been putting it off. As I did last year (although a couple of months earlier), I wanted to sit and look back this past school year. Even though us York students had to endure the 2008-2009 Cupe 3903 strike which lasted about 2 months and half (I stand to be corrected), this year really flew by. As I've been discussing with some of my friends that are of my age, it's honestly incredible how we are now considered to be in 3rd year. As cliché I know I might sound, it honestly feels that it was not so long ago that I started Uni and here I am pretty much half way done my undergraduate degree.

I had mentioned in last year's post that: "I wonder just how much more growth in terms of intellect, character, and more importantly as a whole person I will endure in following years to come…"

Well, I can say without hesitation that I've learn a LOT this year. I actually know some muscles of the body now, compared to my first day in my Anatomy lab when I didn't even know where traps were (I don't work out...it's not my fault). Of course I learned a great amount of psychological disorders, important landmarks of life that were ideal for a optimized development. I also realized how stats will actually be very useful if I end up doing research one day.

Most importantly, as whole, I think I have been able to come to terms with knowing what I want and being able to say it. I have this deep fear of being a failure and I believe that has always played an important role causing me to fear admitting what I want to do or what I want in life. See unconsciously in my mind, I think that when you don't state what you want in definite way and if you are unsuccessful at reaching that goal, it's less of a failure. It's less of a failure since you never really admitted that this was exactly what you wanted. You never fully committed all you had to this particular goal and then failed. You just sort of wanted to try and if you weren't able to attain it, it didn't really matter. ..I know ..to some this might not be making sense at all and I truly apologize...

Anyway, what I was trying to say is that for once in my life, I have truly been be able to say what I WANT in life. Whether it be academically or in terms of my personal life. For once, I'm trying to fully admit what I want and to try and get it or get there. Furthermore, if I am not able to get it or get there, then I'll do my best to get back up and try again. I am not saying that it will be easy and I know things are easier said than done, but if you really want something, then it wouldn't hurt to give it your all.

During exam time when I was taking a break I found this clip on youtube. It's from the show Grey's Anatomy. For the few people who read this blog, if you chose to watch the video, I hope you see the life "lesson" I see. After seeing that clip, not only did it make me sad, it made me realize that we should live a life where we end up with least amount of "what if's" when we look back at our lives...Life is too short and we only live once....take a leap!



Lastly I wanted to say, this was a good year. Cheers to all the new friends I've made, to the old that I've kept and to the intellectual and personal growth I have made.

The Unknown

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.
But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
-Ingrid Michaelson

Concern or Curiosity

Sometimes bad things happen to you. In worst times, bad things can happen to you in public or can be leaked out to the public. In those instances, people who know you will come and ask you what happened. That is completely normal. However, what I couldn't stop myself from thinking this afternoon was: are they asking you out of concern or simply out of curiosity?

Spring Colours

Spring brings out the prettiest of colours. Here are a few pictures I took of a Magnolia tree. I tried to make the pictures look nice! I did the best I could with my little Canon PowerShot (played around with a few settings :p). In times like this I really wished I had an slr..

The Sacrifices of a Woman

Today as my stats professor ended class, she presented us with a study that concluded that higher rates of morning sickness in women during pregnancy seem to show that they had a more robust placenta. This entailed that their child had lower risks of developmental problems.

As I was leaving class with my friend it made me realize and remember how it seems that for you to have a baby with the most optimal health he or she could have, you have to make sacrifices. Studies show you need to gain weight, need to be careful about what you eat, need to make sure you don't expose yourself to toxins, etc...

However, in all actuality, women are taught from a young age that they need to make sacrifices. The classical Pain is Beauty...

Girls wake up extra early, to do their hair, to do their makeup...some even diet. As they grow up some might face the decision between a family and children or a career. Which is yet another sacrifice...

Anyway it was just a random thought of mine.

Some People...

Some people will never know your side of the story.

Chicken à la carte...

This is quite a sad video...

Noses and Who Is A Friend?

I was reading this magazine and there was this article explaining how when you are trying to recognize a face, the first thing you will at is the nose. This happens whether you know it or not. I found that sort of interesting...makes me more self-conscious about my nose now..

Anyway so I was speaking to a good friend of mine today and one topic that was brought up was how a couple of people we know or used to have great friendships with seemed to have disappeared from the face of earth. Well, technically no, not the face of the earth since we do see some activity on Facebook. However, we do not hear from them at all.

And so it made us think...are they or should they still be considered a friend or simply an acquaintance?

A Friend of A Friend...

lately I've been doing some thinking and I came to the realization that I need to accept that not everyone gets along. This has nothing to do with recent events in my life...The thought just somehow came to my mind while I was reading for my midterms.

Friend's of friends don't always click or get along as they would perhaps with other people. I think that I like to perceive harmony within all my friends or acquaintances. However, as much I want there to be a harmony, congruence or that perfect 'click' within everyone I know, I have to understand that that won't always be the case.

Anyway back to the books! :|

Red Eye Fox News Ignorance.

I don't know if I should just watch this video (below) and laugh at the ignorance of the hosts or be upset by their utter stupidity. There is a group I've seen on Facebook demanding an apology from Fox News and Red Eye. I decided to join this group, but in reality I don't think an apology is enough.

The host Greg Gutfeld apologized for his comments saying they were merely misunderstood. He says: “I realize that my words may have been misunderstood. It was not my intent to disrespect the brave men, women and families of the Canadian military, and for that I apologize. Red Eye is a satirical take on the news, in which all topics are addressed in a lighthearted, humorous and ridiculous manner.”

For more on the apology of Greg Gutfeld click here.

However, after watching the video, I don't see what humorous "other" meaning can be derived from what he, along with the other commentators are saying? The things they are saying are not well researched information that may seem to be the truth to the viewers. Consequently this perpetuates false perceptions, stereotypes and ideologies about Canada.

As I mentioned already, an apology is not enough. I want Mr. Gutfeld to go back on his show with his hosts and revise and correct all the wrong and misleading information they have shared to their viewers. Unfortunately that is clearly not going to happen...

IV

So I can't say it feels just like yesterday, because it doesn't. Moreover it doesn't feel like it's ancient history. It doesn't seem like it's been a long time since. But I think that it may be myself who's keeping it this way. Perhaps I'm trying hard to not make what happened a distant past. The longer it's been the more disconnected I am with him.

I'm okay right now though. I was going through the newspaper and reading about the funeral of actress Natasha Richardson made me feel a little heavy inside. But I made it pass. This is not the place, nor the time. Although I do believe I won't be so bad this year. I've already had my little moment this weekend.

Anyway I REALLY need to go study. I realized this weekend that I have 3 consecutive midterms starting next Monday! ...And another 2 midterms the following week..:|

I'm going to die..

Summertime

I saw/heard this on youtube a while back and just wanted to share this with the few people who read this blog. The song is called Summertime by Gabe Bondoc.

I really like this song. It's cute...and most importantly it reminds me of the summer and how I really can't wait for it to come!

The List

I have been putting it off for a while now, but it has been started. My list of things I wish to accomplish before I die. It's actually quite amusing to write to be honest.

Anyway, one of the items of the list should be to never be sick again. if only that really could be possible. I'm stuck at home, instead of out (as planned...I was going to be out possibly in a state of euphoria on a dance floor..). What's worst is that I'm too sick to read/study and too congested to sleep.

Liberal Media Does Not Exist.

This might not make any sense at all...I just wanted to share what I learned in class today..

In my Film, Television and Society class the professor brought up a book called "The Myth of The Liberal Media" by Edward Herman and Noam Chomsky.This book challenges the media and the news we find in the society. Although I have known for a long time now that the media and even some of the News Broadcastings are biased, the facts that Herman and Chomsky were raising were still a little startling to me. They show us that this idea of "liberal media" is not true at all.

In all honesty, I was really tired in class today. In consequence, I wasn't fully listening. But from what I understood, my professor was explaining how Chomsky and Herman explain that there are five filters that information goes through before reaching the media. This might not be completely accurate, again I was really tired...

1. Ownership: Many owners of the huge media and news broadcasting companies are very conservative. Some things will not be aired because it goes against their conservative views.

2. Advertizing: Since many broadcast companies rely on ads to pay for their costs, the focus of the ads are made to always show the good of the product.

3. Sourcing: Major networks rely on "think tanks" (experts, academics, etc.) for more information. For example you see many journalists at the White House, at the Pentagon, and much more. However, the "think tanks" that are picked are usually ones that also have a conservative point of view.

4. Flak: If ever someone, like a journalist would challenge the the goverment, they would be disciplined. An example is Daniel Pipes. He had great experience in the Pentagon and wrote an article on how the Pentagon was wasting a lot of money a couple of years ago. He lost his job, even though he was right.

5. Anticommunism - or Free-Market Ideology: The media and the news show us that the free market is the only way to solve the ills of the community. You have many journalists who go to other countries to film the life of the citizens. But the way the scenes are presented and through the narration, the audience will be lead to only see the Network's point of view.

We finished the class today by watching the film of the book. It really does make you think about how you have to be very critical on what you see and what you hear from the media. Question every angle.

As Chomsky and Herman explain the news media is subordinated to corporate and conservative interests. They further explain how their function can only be seen as that of an "elite propaganda".

Liberal Media does not exist.

People Grow, People Change

Last week finally marked the beginning of the Winter term for the students of York. It honestly seemed like the Fall term was never ending due to the ridiculously long Cupe 3903 strike of 2008-2009. Since exams had just come to an end, I took last week as a good time to catch up with some friends. I have been telling them that lately I had felt like I had no friends, since I hadn't had a chance to go out due to the heavily compressed schedule of the remaining of Fall term and exams. Many of my friends agreed, and what I found interesting is that each friend had their own individual reason.

One of them in particular, explained to me how she had been having conflicts with her now former best friend. That resulted in a cascade of other issues with the rest of her "clique". But she continued to discuss how this situation she was in has led her to realize how she had changed and grown up, whereas her friends hadn't. Their full-time interests had become her part-time interests. What I mean is, what they loved to do all the time was something she realized she could only afford to do once in a while. She had work and school to take care of as well. It wasn't all only about parties and hookups with guys anymore. Most importantly she was tired of conversations being saturated only with gossip and implicit competitions of who's personal stories were more interesting.

This made me think and it seems mainly that people grow and people change emotionally, intellectually,in what they like, in what they want over time. Sometimes your pace is not the same as others and it may have an impact on the relationships you have with your friends, family and lovers or may not. If I look at myself, there are friends from High School that I don't really speak with anymore. What happened? I'm not too sure myself. New experiences change us, new situations bring another "us" out. We change in time. Some of us still cling to the past, keeping relationships as strong as ever. Whereas some don't or can't.

Encounters

very random thought...

Had you met a best friend, years later, how would your relationship be with them? Had you known a new school friend since you were a child, how would your friendship be?

Time, circumstance, place or situation of an encounter…
Change one of these components and the relationship you have with a person could be slightly different or even completely altered...

Cath...

“Cath…” by Death Cab for Cutie, I’m currently in love with this song. It is actually the song currently playing. It has frequently woken me up by being my alarm in the morning or by keeping me entertained while I’m driving. I find that the lyrics of this song are so well written.

Although this may not be at all what the Ben Gibbard had in mind while composing this song, I find it reminds me how in life romantic fairy-tales are only limited to a few. Sometimes, people like Cath chose to follow a path, where they convince themselves they will find happiness. But, we should remember that happiness can be found is so many ways, not only the stereotyped ideology that seems to be every so often drilled in our minds on how relationships should be (whether romantic or friendship).

I find that everyone has a great power at convincing themselves what they think might be right for them. Sometimes it is not until things are done that we realize what we have done or almost succeeded in doing to ourselves.

Exploring The Past

Recently, I decided to be a subject for a for a student’s psychology honours thesis. I had actually never thought that it would be anything out of the ordinary. My idea of this interview I was attending was that it would be a neutral set of questions I had to logically answer. To my dismay, the questions were far from quantitative or logical. In fact, I had to thoroughly delve into my emotions, past emotions and memories to be exact.

I was given the opportunity to think of things I had never thought of before. Some of the questions really left me to ponder. I was often caught saying: “oh…umm I’m not sure what to answer, I never thought about this before actually…” before coming to my conclusive response.

What I really appreciated from this experience, was the interaction I was given with the researcher/student. As she told me her past grieving experience, I would see just how similar it was to mine. Through her tears, and even my own, it was nice to have been given the chance to explore my past. I do look back once in a while, but this interview really gave me the chance to explore certain facets I had never got the mere thought of, as well as the one’s I had tried to bury deep down in my mind.

New Year Resolutions

In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever really set myself New Year resolutions. Even if I had, which I do not have any recollection of doing, I don’t think I sincerely stuck to them. Therefore, this year I’m going to try to find good resolutions and to truly try and abide to them.

So here goes:

1. Physical activity at least once a week.
2. Try and hopefully change my bad habits.

These two will do for this year….